Tuesday, 10 April 2012

The Keys to a Happy and Successful Relationship

I hope you have had a chance to look at my relationship coaching and emotional counselling website www.iloveyouloveme.com

In this post I want to take you through the key principles that underlie my website, books and work.

The first and most important principle is that:

1. Your essential state is one of love - it is who you are

You will have experienced this state if you have ever fallen in love. Those incredible feelings of joy and love appear when you let go of your insecurities, fears and negative self-beliefs. The presence of somebody who you love and who loves you, reminds you of who you are. This takes us straight to the next principle.

2. You will become unhappy and have relationship problems if you ever forget your natural state is love.

The negative feelings and problems are your intuitive, subconscious mind's way of telling you that you have gone astray. This turning away from love is also likely to happen for your partner (unless they have done some emotional healing), so they will react negatively to any difficulties and you will end up in rows and arguments, or you will withdraw from each other. Of course, the way to solve the problem is to:

3. Remember that love is your essence and to embrace the self-love that comes with this

But here comes the big problem - As you try to embrace self-love and return to your natural state, the first thing you will hit is a wall of unconscious fear and negative emotions.

These painful emotions include fear, inadequacy, a sense of failure, guilt, as well as resentments and judgements. They come directly from the self-beliefs that you would have taken on as a child in your original family and they are stored away subconsciously so you are probably unaware of them.

The problem is that because you have suppressed these horrible feelings (to take away the pain), you will have inadvertently closed down your heart. You need you heart in order to give and receive love, to compassion and to connect with your partner, and without out it you will become emotionally distant from them. They will probably do the same with you, which just makes things worse. 

In order to experience more love and happiness it is therefore important to remove the barrier of fear that separates you and your partner (if you have one) from love. This idea isn't new as you can see from the quotation below.

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it"  Jalad-din-Rumi, 12th century poet and philosopher.

The way forward is therefore to:

Open your heart again and be willing to work through any fear or negative emotion that comes up

My website, blog, and books will help you with this process. Some of the techniques I describe are radical and may challenge you, but I promise you (I know this from personal experience) that you will be incredibly rewarded if you can break through your own wall of fear. You can return to those feelings of falling in love, and they can become even stronger and more meaningful!

Do subscribe to this blog if you are interested in my approach, as I will write regular articles, discuss topical issues and answer questions that readers might post. Thanks for taking the time to read this.


PS In my next post I will describe the most important thing you must learn to do if you want to solve a relationship problem

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