tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47390655505367362052024-03-13T22:45:38.157-07:00iloveyouloveme.com - the blog...helping you find true love and happiness through your relationshipsPeter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-78939887794930180002013-06-05T00:07:00.000-07:002013-06-05T00:07:22.418-07:00Something Is Missing - UpdateIf you have been reading my latest blogs with the series title - <i>Something is Missing</i>, please accept my apologies for the delay in posting recent articles. The reason for the delay is that I have been researching the link between science and matters spiritual/mystical. To be honest I have been blown away by the similarities in both these important areas. What is surprising about the scientific findings is that the general population is almost completely unaware of them and the scientific community is largely resistant to accept what they imply about the nature of reality.<br />
<br />
My researches have therefore made me take stock and look again at how I should write my latest book (installments of which were appearing as the blog). I am going to continue but I want to try and present what I have come across in my research in a way that allows the greatest number of people to understand the enormous implications of this coming together of science and spirituality/mysticism. <br />
<br />
I will therefore put a hold on 'Something is Missing' and instead offer a few general blogs on interesting topics in the next few months.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your support if you are reading my blogs - it is very much appreciated!<br />
<br />
PeterPeter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-45734295229650703752013-03-25T08:27:00.002-07:002013-03-25T08:27:44.407-07:00Something Is Missing - Science (No. 3 in Series)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:ApplyBreakingRules/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
This is the third in a blog series that
will help you discover your spirituality and experience more love and
happiness in life. Previous blogs are available via the index to the
right.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><i>In the last blog I started to put forward some answers to the question "Who am I". In this blog I look at what science can tell us about what we call reality, and is has some surprises up its sleeves</i></span>!<br />
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Science</b></span> </h2>
</div>
<span style="color: orange;"><i></i></span><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would imagine that you don’t spend much time questioning
the reality of the world around you. Objects look and feel as if they are<span style="color: orange;"> solid</span>
and exist separately from each other. You believe you are a separate person on
a planet that has billions of other individuals living on it. But if you were
to ask a scientist about this experience of reality they would tell you that
it’s not as straight forward as it seems. Here is what they might say.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your eyes were
able to see very small things then you would see the molecules and atoms that
make up the cells of your body. If you magnified things even more you would see
each atom with a number of electrons surrounding a central nucleus, which in
itself is also made up of even smaller particles. The electrons would be
orbiting at a huge distance out from the
nucleus compared to its size. In other words most of the atom is <span style="color: orange;">space</span>. Given
that you are made up of atoms, this means that a vast proportion of you (and
everything else in the Universe) is not solid, it is space. What gives you the
sense of solidity is the forces that exist between the atoms.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These scientific discoveries completely changed our notion
of reality, but even this atomic view of matter was challenged at the beginning
of the nineteenth century by a number of brilliant scientists. They showed that the fundamental particles that make up atoms are not solid and can also
exist as vibrational waves. With his famous equation <i>E=MC </i>squared,<i> </i>Albert
Einstein showed that every piece of matter in the Universe is made up of
nothing else but <span style="color: orange;">energy</span>. He also showed that when we move fast, time slows down
and the length of an object shrinks when looked at by somebody who is standing
still. All this has been proved many times by experiment and Einstein’s
corrections are applied everyday to the GPS system that orbits the earth, to
make sure your satellite navigation remains accurate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Building on Einstein’s work, other physicists started to
build a new theory of matter called <i>quantum mechanics</i> and things became
less and less intuitive. Long gone were the days of classical physics were you
apply a force to an object and calculate how fast it would move or which
direction it would go in. In the world of very small things everything comes
down to <i>chance</i>. Particles can change into waves and back again and it is
not possible to pin down exactly where they are and what they are doing at any
particular moment. Instead the physicists had to work with probability theory
to create equations that could predict the behaviour of matter statistically.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite the challenges of defining something that is so
ephemeral, quantum mechanics has been very successful in showing how very small
things manifest and behave. At first many of the implications of the new theory
seemed very weird indeed, and many physicists challenged them because it was so
hard to make intuitive sense of them. Nevertheless most predictions have now
been confirmed by experiment. The most telling of these is that at the quantum
scale of matter nothing exists in isolation. <span style="color: orange;">Everything in the Universe is connected
to everything else</span>. This also means that changes in one atom are felt at some
level in all other atoms in the Universe. This is an astonishing scientific
discovery, but as we have already seen, this is something that we already know
unconsciously.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For thousands of years sages, theologians and mystics have
been telling us that we are all connected in one grand state of universal oneness,
and now we find that science is pointing us towards exactly the same
conclusion. Of course this is not a coincidence. Deep within us is the
knowledge of our natural state of being. Despite the illusion of being ‘<span style="color: orange;">separate
entities</span>’, we never forget that we are connected. We know
intuitively that the bonds of love are always present and are incredibly
important to us. The trouble is that we don’t always recognise or remember this
about ourselves or the people around us. So why should this be? To answer this
we must start looking into the nature of consciousness, which is the subject of the next blog.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><i>I will publish the blog progressively so please subscribe at bottom of blog if you would like to follow all of them</i>. <i>Previous blogs in the series can be read via the list on the right.</i></span> <br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><br /></span> <br />
</div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-92105906833263599862013-03-19T01:15:00.001-07:002013-03-19T01:15:13.171-07:00Something Is Missing - Who Am I? (No. 2 in Series)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:ApplyBreakingRules/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the second in a blog series that will help you discover your spirituality and experience more love and happiness in life. Previous blogs are available via the index to the right. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: orange;"><i>In the last blog I helped you to identify what is most important to you in life - love and relationships. I also asked the question, why if this is so do we so often push love away through relationship problems? I suggested that it is because we are afraid of love. In this post I will start to explain why this is by looking at how we develop our self-concepts (how we see ourselves). I will publish the blog progressively so please subscribe at bottom of blog if you would like to follow all of them</i>.</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<h2 class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Who Am I? </b></span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Human beings have probably been asking themselves the
question “Who am I” since the beginnings of conscious thought. The fact that we
are aware of our own existence creates an intense curiosity about the nature of
self and our relationship to the world and the Universe at large. Although we
may assume that these are just philosophical musings, the conclusions that we
draw from these questions has a profound impact on our psychology, particularly
the amount of fear that we experience.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AlogXfhKWY0/UUgc6NThYFI/AAAAAAAAAH8/H3cr7diq3tI/s1600/betrayal_small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AlogXfhKWY0/UUgc6NThYFI/AAAAAAAAAH8/H3cr7diq3tI/s1600/betrayal_small.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your view of who you are is likely to be largely influenced
by your sense of sight. Your eyes tell you that you are <span style="color: orange;"><i>separated</i></span> from
the people and objects around you. Your other four physical senses then
reinforce this belief and confirm that you are an independent being who thinks,
feels and acts in isolation. Of course you will interact with other people through
the relationships that you have but you will retain your sense of separation
and self-determination. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are not alone in this self-concept. Most people have
exactly the same understanding of who they are. It is possible to find some
measure of success and happiness in life in this way, particularly when you are
young, but what you probably don’t realise is that your belief in your own
separation will ultimately damage your relationships and cause you to suffer
emotionally. The reason it does this is because it is not an accurate
description of who you are. Your sense of separation is an incredibly powerful
illusion that has evolved to help you find food and water, protect yourself and
survive in the physical world, but it hides you from a deeper truth about
yourself. You are in fact intimately <span style="color: orange;"><i>connected</i></span> to everybody and everything.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although you lead your life on a daily basis as if you were
a separate entity, unconsciously you do <span style="color: orange;"><i>know</i> </span>that this is not your true
state of being. Deep within you is a memory that tells you that you are connected
and at one with all that exists in the Universe. This memory is triggered when
you either choose or are forced to let go of the material aspects of life. That
was why in the earlier death-bed exercise it was so easy for you identify what
really matters to you. When all the physical distractions that have preoccupied
you in life have fallen away you naturally return to your authentic state. You
know intuitively that this is about being re-connected to the people who have
meant the most to you in life. It is like trying to get back to your true home;
a place of heartfelt bonding and love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clearly we have a problem with perception. Our conventional
senses tell us we are separate from the people and things around us but our
hearts tell us that we a connected. So what is real? To understand what might
be going on we can look at what science has discovered about the nature of
matter. I will focus on this in the next blog...<br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><i> I will publish the blog progressively so please subscribe at bottom of blog if you would like to follow all of them</i>.</span> </div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-46450911701970341792013-03-06T00:35:00.000-08:002013-03-06T02:08:59.698-08:00Something Is Missing - Introduction (No. 1 in Series)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MnID6kPyByU/UTcVYsHdCWI/AAAAAAAAAHo/zfgyvjG2ttk/s1600/Something_is_Missing..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MnID6kPyByU/UTcVYsHdCWI/AAAAAAAAAHo/zfgyvjG2ttk/s320/Something_is_Missing..jpg" width="222" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:ApplyBreakingRules/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: orange;">This is the first blog in a major series that will eventually be built into a book called <span style="color: white;">'Something Is Missing'</span>. The blogs will show you how to find and develop your spirituality so you can bring more love and happiness into your life. I will publish the blog progressively so please <span style="color: white;">subscribe</span> at bottom of blog if you would like to follow all of them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: orange;"> </span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>M</b>any people in the more affluent and technologically
developed parts of the world have a sense that ‘something is missing’ from
their lives. They may be relatively successful and are materially comfortable,
but they have still not found the contentment and inner peace that they crave. If
you are reading this blog I assume that you are familiar with that nagging
feeling. Or you might be searching for understanding and meaning following a
difficult or challenging episode in your life. Although you might not be desperately
unhappy, you have a feeling of emptiness inside and know that something
critical is missing from your life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b3_ap_FsLto/UTcUmma9FxI/AAAAAAAAAHg/50x9vLOJBww/s1600/iStock_000000299908Medium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b3_ap_FsLto/UTcUmma9FxI/AAAAAAAAAHg/50x9vLOJBww/s1600/iStock_000000299908Medium.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although these feelings are unpleasant, at least your
intuition is working well and telling you that something is wrong with the way
you are approaching life. This is useful in itself but there is much more to
these feelings than this. For your intuition to warn you that something is missing, you must already
know what that something is! In fact it's not missing, it's just hidden within you at the moment. So the good news is that very thing that will bring
you true happiness is lurking somewhere deep within your mind, and it is
waiting to be discovered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope that the fact that you already have everything you
need to make you happy comes as a relief. It means you don’t need to learn
anything new or strive to be anything or anybody that you are not already. You have
all the gifts you need to find true and lasting happiness. You might not be
aware of these things at the moment because they are largely hidden in your
unconscious mind, but I will help you unearth them in these blogs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In order to do this I would like to take you through a
process of self-discovery. It will dig down beneath the surface details and
distractions of your life so you can find the <i>real you</i>. This will
require quite a lot of personal honesty and courage because it is likely to
bring up some difficult thoughts and feelings. Please don’t be put off by this.
I am not trying to scare or disturb you, I am opening up these areas of your
mind because by facing your fears and letting them go you will automatically
reveal your underlying gifts of love and happiness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So let’s begin with quite a challenging exercise. I want you
to focus straight away on the things that matter most to you in life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><i>Imagine that today is the last day your life and you know that you have only
a few hours left. What are you thinking and feeling? What matters most to you
in these precious last few hours? What would you do? Spend a few minutes
considering these questions.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How did you get on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s not easy to think about these things. Most of us are not in the
habit of dwelling about our own death because it brings up our deepest fears,
but I hope you were able to put these aside and think about what you would want
in your final hours. The worries and distractions of your daily life should
have fallen away to reveal what really matters to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I first asked myself these questions I was quite
surprised at what came up. I didn’t think about myself at all – my mind went
immediately to my children, parents, my wife and the rest of my family. Gone
were all my daily concerns about money, work or health. These practical things
just didn’t matter at the end of my life. All I could think about was my love
for the people closest to me. Then came an aching desire for them to be by my
side so I could tell them, and show them how much I loved them. I was soon
overwhelmed by my emotions and am not ashamed to admit that I shed many tears.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would guess that in your final hours you also focused on
the love for the people close to you. Nothing else seems important when we face
the ultimate and unavoidable conclusion to our lives. If you have ever lost
somebody you love through death or faced the ending of a particularly significant
relationship, you will know how painful this can be. Suddenly all the practical
aspects of life fall away and you have a stark reminder that all that really
matters is love and relationships.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am always struck by how easy it is to identify the central
importance of love in our lives when we face losing it. Few people would deny
that it is through loving relationships that we find true happiness and success,
and yet the truth is that we often struggle with this element of our lives. A vast
majority of the problems that we face in life are relationship problems - at
home, at work, in society, or internationally. Even our relationship with the
planet we live on is out of balance and unsustainable. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we must ask ourselves an important question. “Why if love
is so important to us to do we lead our lives as if it wasn’t”? In answering
this we are drawn to an inescapable and disturbing conclusion. We must be
deliberately denying love and sabotaging our relationships. Dig even deeper and
we discover that the only explanation for this is that we must be <span style="color: orange;"><i>afraid of
love</i></span>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At face-value it seems ridiculous that we could be afraid of
love, something that is so beautiful and brings us so much joy. I certainly
felt this way when I was first introduced to this idea, but as I have become
more self-aware I have come to accept that I do indeed have this fear. I have
also begun to understand where this fear comes from and how it is damaging my
life and virtually everybody else’s life. It is hard to over-estimate the pain
and misery that is created by this denial, and yet we are largely unaware that we are doing this to ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the blogs that follow I will explain where this denial comes from and
how it is intimately related to our fear of love. In the next blog we will look at the process of falling in love and how this teaches us so much about love and the fears that surround it.<br />
<br />
Next Blog: <span style="color: red;">Falling In Love -</span> <span style="color: red;">What It Teaches Us About Love </span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: orange;">This is the first blog in a major series that will eventually be built into a book called <span style="color: white;">'Something Is Missing'</span>.
The blogs will show you how to find and develop your spirituality so
you can bring more love and happiness into your life. I will publish the
blog progressively so please <span style="color: white;">subscribe</span> at bottom of blog if you would like to follow all of them.</span></div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-44878325813068390202013-02-13T01:06:00.000-08:002013-02-13T01:26:30.383-08:00The Day The Love Shone Through The Grief<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:ApplyBreakingRules/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
</w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aG8d7erUb3Q/URtWnIt7AxI/AAAAAAAAAG4/3di3gPIU-jE/s1600/sunburst.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aG8d7erUb3Q/URtWnIt7AxI/AAAAAAAAAG4/3di3gPIU-jE/s1600/sunburst.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week my wife and I attended a funeral of a friend who
had committed suicide. He was fifty years old, seemed to have everything – a
wonderful wife, four beautiful children, a lovely house, gainful employment and
numerous talents including a gift for music. That day three hundred people
crammed into a small country church to celebrate his life, while two thousand
more sent their condolences via the internet. Our hearts were wrenched open
with sadness and grief as we watched the coffin being carried in by his teenage
sons, followed by a younger daughter, son and his wife. At that moment I am
sure all of us asked the same question – “Why would somebody who was loved by
so many and had so much to offer have taken his own life?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When tragedies like this strike we all desperately search
for meaning, trying somehow to make sense of the futility and cruelty of life.
Those of us at the funeral could only begin to imagine the agony that his wife,
children, and family are going through. But we must try and make sense of this
tragedy and check out our own relationships and lives. This was certainly what
my wife and I did this weekend. Ironically from such pain we can gain more
awareness and can see our lives with more clarity. These are some of my
thoughts: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are familiar with my blog and website you will know
that the underlying principle is that love is not a transient emotion, but a
natural state of existence – <span style="color: orange;"><b>love is our essence</b></span>. This means that it is always
present and can never desert us. This turns everything we know about love,
emotions and relationships on its head. Rather than searching for love in our
lives we need to ask ourselves why we are <span style="color: orange;"><b>keeping it out</b></span>. By
taking such an approach we begin to see that all our emotional and relationship
problems come out of our denial of self-love – a denial of who we truly are.
Making such a choice is the ultimate expression of free will – we can choose to
experience love and happiness or not. This is our freedom as human beings but
the choice to deny love comes at a terrible price for us and the people around
us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course we must ask why we would deny our true, loving
essence? Surely that is something that we would all welcome and embrace. While
it is true that we look for benefits in life and are all searching for happiness,
when it comes to the love we often refuse to receive it. This can be explained
in a number of ways psychologically but as we look deeper into the mind we find
a place where we <span style="color: orange;"><b>do not</b> <b>feel worthy of the love. </b></span>This is always
associated with guilt for having let somebody down in our lives – often
somebody who themselves has struggled to embrace and express love in their own
life. At a spiritual level this will extend to a belief that we have failed, denied
or attacked God (in whatever form you recognise a Universal or Divine
presence/source of love). If we have denied our essence as love, we become very
guilty for having thrown away our gift and this then makes us feel even more
unworthy – I think you can see circularity of this trap! It seems this deep
layer of guilt is present in everybody, regardless of faith or a belief in
things spiritual.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Such a disconnect from love and spiritual essence has
far-reaching consequences to our relationships. Without feeling love within and
around us through our connection to the world at large and the greater
Universe, we are forced to look for it from our relationships. We need to find
people to <span style="color: orange;"><b>love us</b></span> and replace the love that we believe is
missing. This can never work because it not the truth of our lives, and this is
why our dependence (and lack of self-love) causes us to suffer. Our desperate
attempts to win love (or feelings of success, wealth or power that can seem
like love) in fact drive true love away. Eventually, with the belief that love
has deserted us, we can sink into a terrible place of depression and
hopelessness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In most cases of suicide I believe that people have lost
their connection to love – both at the human and spiritual level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They might decide to take their own life
because they feel a burden on the people around them or because they can see no
point in carrying on with such suffering. Those left behind can feel a terrible
burden of responsibility for not being able to save their loved one and can
often feel intense guilt. Tragically this can then easily destroy their lives,
and the cycle of self-blame and unworthiness continues.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When things like this happen it is very important to feel
all the feelings that come up – shock, sadness, grief, anger, betrayal,
hopelessness and guilt itself. But in feeling these painful emotions it is also
important to feel the love that is so entwined with the pain. It will seem that
it is the love that is hurting, but this is an illusion. What hurts is the all
the guilt and regret for unexpressed love in the past. The death of somebody we
are close to instantly opens our hearts and we start feeling everything – both
negative and positive. This awakens us and brings us back to life after the
emotional dissociation that so often characterises our lives. This was
certainly the wake-up call we had last week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the vicar stressed at the funeral, our friend’s love that
was so evident to the people around him when he was alive, was still present in
that church and will be forever more in their hearts. The love, indeed the
grace, was palpable that day. It was a difficult day in so many ways but it was
also very beautiful one in the way that remembering our friend brought all
those who attended to a place of wholehearted honesty. It became so obvious
that <span style="color: orange;"><b>love is all that matters is this life</b>.</span>
These episodes, painful as they are, are an invitation to return to love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am now even more determined to look at my life and embrace
the love that is within me, and available to me from my connections to family,
friends and colleagues as well as through my higher spiritual connection. I
will also look again at the places where I am keeping love out of my life and I
will work to dismantle those barriers. I will make sure that the people in my
life know how much I love them and make sure I am open to receive their love.
Really that is all that any of us need to do… </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-outline-level: 1;">
Peter<br />
<br />
PS If you would like to read more of my regular blogs <span style="color: red;"><b>SUBSCRIBE </b></span>at the bottom of this page </div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-22751735854009529102013-01-23T03:22:00.000-08:002013-01-23T03:33:36.727-08:00How To Fall in Love (or fall in love with your partner all over again!)<b>T</b>hose of you who are familiar with my website and articles
will know that I offer a variety of ways to both understand and solve
relationship problems. However, over the years I have come to realise
that everything I suggest boils down to <span style="color: orange;"><b>one key principle</b></span>
- and it is this principle that I want to discuss in this blog. If you
can apply what I am describing wholeheartedly, I promise you that you
will fall in love and become extremely happy. If you are already in a
relationship, applying these ideas will bring back the love that you had
when you first met your partner.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-03kOPyyHfV0/UP6zveKgTXI/AAAAAAAAAGY/K-1mEDiVoL0/s1600/blame_mini.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-03kOPyyHfV0/UP6zveKgTXI/AAAAAAAAAGY/K-1mEDiVoL0/s1600/blame_mini.jpg" /></a></div>
I often use the experience of <i>falling in love</i>
to explain how relationships work and I am going to do the same here.
Think back to the last time you fell in love or experienced intense
feelings of love for your partner or for anyone or anything else for
that matter. As you remember that experience notice that something was
absent from the relationship at that moment. That something was <span style="color: orange;"><b>judgment</b></span>.
You fell in love (or re-discovered love) when you removed judgment from
your partner (or, putting it the other way round, you totally <b><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: orange;">accepted</span> </span></b>them).<br />
<br />
To
understand why this is you will need to remember that love is not an
emotion - it is a permanent state that exists between you and your
partner. Love is always present, even when you are not feeling it! When
you were first attracted to your partner you stopped judging them -
their looks and their behaviour. Instead you saw all their beauty and
gifts and over-looked anything that seemed negative about them . This is
the non-judgment bit. They would have sensed that you weren't judging
them and would have bathed in your acceptance of them. This would make
them feel great and they would have started liking you because they felt
good in your presence. They then stopped judging you and the process of
falling in love became a self-reinforcing positive cycle as each of you accepted each other more and more. The removal of judgment allowed you both to feel innocent and perfect and that is when your hearts opened and love showed up. Of course this dynamic of
non-judgment happened simultaneously as the two of you fell head
over-heals in love!<br />
<br />
So far, so good. The next question
then is why you might <i>fall out of love</i> again. Well the answer is again
judgement. As time goes by you begin to notice little annoying habits
and things about your partner that you would like to change. You have
already started judging them - they no longer seem so perfect. And they
feel this immediately. Feeling judged reminds them of how much they
dislike and judge <b><span style="color: orange;">themselves</span></b> and
this makes them feel insecure. Rather than feel into this pain they
project it onto you and start judging your behaviour (if they haven't
already started doing so!). You then feel judged and the cycle spirals
downwards towards the <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/power_struggle.htm" target="_blank">power struggle</a>
(see my website for more on this stage of a relationship). The bottom
line is that you have fallen out of love and those heady early days of
the relationship seem a distant memory. <br />
<br />
Naturally you want to get back to those feelings, so here are some suggestions about how to do this. The key is to <span style="color: orange;"><b>STOP JUDGING</b></span>
your partner. You can do this in the short term by appreciating them
rather than wanting to find fault with them or change them. Notice all
the wonderful things about them that you love and let them know. Pour
your love onto them at every opportunity without becoming needy. If you
can genuinely do this from the heart, you will fall back in love because
you have brought non-judgment back to the relationship. This will work,
but you may notice that you slip back very easily into judgment. This
is because you probably <span style="color: orange;"><b>judge yourself</b></span>
both consciously and subconsciously. This means that you are
continually projecting this out onto the people around you, including
your partner. You will not notice you are doing this, but it will be
picked up by your partner and they will then be tempted to judge you!<br />
<br />
The
way forward is to let go of the self-judgment. This requires changing
the beliefs you have about yourself, particularly any guilt and feelings
of failure you have stored away in your life. For more help with this
have a look at my <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/guilt.htm" target="_blank">website</a> or read my <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/books.htm" target="_blank">book</a>
which contains a detailed description of how self-judgment develops and
how to work to change those negative beliefs and bring back the love.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OSHMpPwm5aY/UP6z6mYxFVI/AAAAAAAAAGg/L9juX877lrU/s1600/happy_couple.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OSHMpPwm5aY/UP6z6mYxFVI/AAAAAAAAAGg/L9juX877lrU/s1600/happy_couple.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
As
you heal self-judgment you will start accepting your life and
everything in it. You will automatically reveal the love that has always
been available to you and which you have caught glimpses of as you fell
in love or slipped back into love at various times in your life. You
can extend these periods of happiness indefinitely, simply by ending
judgment. The unavoidable truth is that judgment hides love. Acceptance
reveals it again. If only we could remember this and apply it to
ourselves and our relationships, then our problems would cease and life
would become blissful.<br />
<br />
Bye for now, Peter <br />
<br />
PS My new <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/books.htm" target="_blank">book</a> is available on Amazon as a Kindle download or Paperback<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/books.htm" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UcVRfy1-6RA/UP60aPmOAaI/AAAAAAAAAGo/toR1VsXuTYs/s1600/bringing_back_small.jpg" /></a> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Click image to learn more about the book</div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-60700380760186201212013-01-23T01:20:00.000-08:002013-01-23T01:20:55.395-08:00The No. 1 Relationship Problem-Solving Tip<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">My website <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/">www.iloveyouloveme.com</a>
provides help with the range of typical problems that can crop up in a
relationship. There is however one issue that is common to all these problems,
and in fact it’s the most important relationship principle there is. It is</span>:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QgE1OIbtMS4/T5KsXddUpYI/AAAAAAAAAEY/MmLeWFzXaYs/s1600/partners_pain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T4yPhiuH_4o/T5KtG_npsOI/AAAAAAAAAEo/KQabc-hQCew/s1600/angry_partner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-T4yPhiuH_4o/T5KtG_npsOI/AAAAAAAAAEo/KQabc-hQCew/s1600/angry_partner.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jpZg2dVt_Zw/T5Kspf7YG1I/AAAAAAAAAEg/-evf8RZWVXM/s1600/Stages_Power_Struggle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t48YCVZba9o/T5KqK_4mahI/AAAAAAAAAEI/3Yof-CGZh7g/s1600/codependent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>If your partner is behaving badly, <br />they are hurting inside</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While this is a simple enough idea, it is incredibly
difficult to accept in practice. When your partner is behaving in an unpleasant
or hurtful way, the last thing you will feel like doing is to be kind and empathic
towards them. And yet this emotionally mature response to bad behaviour is the
key to solving your problems and having a much happier, love-filled
relationship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way to work with this principle is to understand the
underlying cause of all relationship problems. Our essential state is one of
love and connection to the people and world around us. We suffer whenever we
turn away from this state and start believing that we are separate and
personally lacking in love. When we lose our connection to love, fear and pain
immediately enters our mind. We try to ignore this pain by becoming dependent
on the people around us to give us love, or by becoming independent so that we
can pretend that we don’t need love. Both these strategies create a range of
negative behaviours that push our partners away and hurts them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So if your partner is driving you mad, under-valuing you,
withdrawing from you, or acting in an untrustworthy way (or any number of other
problematic ways), then they have lost touch with their natural state of love
and connection. It doesn’t matter how confident and happy they seem on the
surface, if you are not experiencing love from them, then they are hurting
inside.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QgE1OIbtMS4/T5KsXddUpYI/AAAAAAAAAEY/MmLeWFzXaYs/s1600/partners_pain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QgE1OIbtMS4/T5KsXddUpYI/AAAAAAAAAEY/MmLeWFzXaYs/s1600/partners_pain.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t48YCVZba9o/T5KqK_4mahI/AAAAAAAAAEI/3Yof-CGZh7g/s1600/codependent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way forward for any relationship problem is therefore to
recognise bad behaviour as a <span style="color: orange;">call for love</span>.
Avoid judging your partner for their behaviour and then open your
heart so you can bring love back to yourself and your partner. This is an act
of supreme leadership, but I promise you that it will always work. Do have a
look at my online coaching module called <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/" style="color: orange;" target="_blank">Lovecoach</a> for practical ways to solve
a variety of relationship problems using the principle I have just described.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you like this blog, why not subscribe to my regular
issues? – and please tell your friends about the blog and website if you think
that it would be useful to them.<br />
<br />
If have just launched my new e-book - <span style="color: orange;"><b>Bringing Back The Love</b></span>. It explains all the principles I use in my website and blog in detail and provides lots of coaching exercises for you to work through to bring more love into your life. - if you are interested <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/books.htm" target="_blank">click this</a>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bye for now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peter</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-14575376208193825942012-07-27T03:08:00.000-07:002012-07-27T03:08:20.987-07:00Emotional Attachment - How it damages our relationships and how to avoid it<div class="row-content">
In this article I will focus on <strong>emotional attachment</strong>,
one of the most common traps that we fall into in our relationships and
life. Attachment makes us dependent on the people and things around us
and makes us forget that we have natural self-esteem. It also makes it
impossible to find true and lasting happiness.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_M6zYdGO6E8/UBJofJSN-lI/AAAAAAAAAFM/dRHyyZ_EOJQ/s1600/unrequited.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_M6zYdGO6E8/UBJofJSN-lI/AAAAAAAAAFM/dRHyyZ_EOJQ/s1600/unrequited.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
To be attached is to believe there is something <strong>'out there'</strong>
that will make us happy. This could be anything - a job, lots of money,
a new home, or winning a sporting competition, even the Olympics! Of
course, it can also be another human being who we believe will make us
happy. This is where our dependence on a partner comes from. Whatever
the attachment is, it points to a <strong>need</strong> that we are trying to fulfil, and when this fails we feel hurt and begin to suffer.<br />
An attachment originates when we believe that we<strong> lack</strong>
something personally. This almost always begins in early childhood as
we start to make conclusions about the world and our part in it. The
problem is that in the fear, pain and confusion of childhood/parenting
issues within our families, we can take on many negative self-beliefs.
These beliefs are always mistaken because in truth we can find
everything we need emotionally (and spiritually) from within, but we
begin to doubt this and assume that we need somebody or something else
to make us feel complete and happy. At the core of our doubt is the
belief that we are personally lacking in love and therefore need to
search for it in the world outside us. From this belief stems a whole
raft of negative self-beliefs that are full of feelings of scarcity. We
might believe that we lack money, health, intelligence, good looks or
physical attraction. It is inevitable that we will then look outwards to
find these things and make ourselves feel whole again.<br />
Attachments
can be incredibly powerful and will hold us back from finding happiness
because they deny our own resources. They will also damage and destroy
our relationships. It is therefore essential to let them go. What are
you attached to? To help identify this, ask yourself what you are still
lacking in your relationship and life. Let's say you lack
self-confidence. You may have looked for a partner who is much more
confident than you and who can support you through difficult situations
in life. You may have become dependent on them and be terrified of
losing them. Or they might have already left you, and you will already
know the dreadful feeling of loss and fear that this creates. If you
become attached to your partner you can no longer bond with them fully
because you are dependent on them. True bonding can only happen when you
feel equal with your partner and need nothing from them.<br />
The way to get rid of an attachment like this is to recognise that your belief that you are lacking in confidence is an <strong>illusion</strong>.
Your natural state is one of confidence but somewhere in your life you
began to doubt this and turn away from this gift. You might be able to
identify when this happened, but this isn't critical. What matters now
is that you recognise that you do indeed have a gift of confidence that
you can embrace for yourself and the people around you. Deep down your
friends, family and partner know you have the gift and are waiting for
you to exhibit it! You might take some time to get to know and accept
this 'new you', but with attention and practice you will find that you
feel much better about yourself. Your relationships will improve and
your dependence on others as well as your attachments will dissolve
away.<br />
One of the most interesting discoveries that psychologist
Check Spezzano (originator of the Psychology of Vision model upon which
these articles and my website are based) has made about the human mind
is that the things we become attached to, are also our greatest gifts.
In other words, we minimise our lives and become dependent in the very
areas that we are experts! The most astonishing conclusion from this
finding is that we do not need to search for love in the people or
situations around us. All of us are naturally gifted in love and have
the ability to form successful and happy relationships. But we are also
afraid of this greatest of gifts - and that is why we so easily become
attached to people and material world. It is time to recognise our
giftedness and embrace the love that is within us and available to us
through our relationships and spiritual connections.</div>Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-36151712882419411452012-05-06T01:24:00.000-07:002012-05-06T01:30:10.308-07:00Cheryl Cole says, “I’m Too Busy For A Relationship”?<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">
<b style="color: #999999;">How busyness can prevent you from finding a romantic partner and if you are in a relationship, rob you of love and connection</b>.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NtCS5ZiSAfg/T6Y03uvdxMI/AAAAAAAAAFA/RfgYlroOSwc/s1600/too_busy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NtCS5ZiSAfg/T6Y03uvdxMI/AAAAAAAAAFA/RfgYlroOSwc/s1600/too_busy.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Celebrity Cheryl Cole said this week on a radio show that
she was too busy for a relationship. While I’m sure she is very busy with her
new album, I would guess that nothing would bring her more happiness than to be
in a loving and supportive relationship. So what might be going on here? In
this article I want to explore the issue of busyness in relationships. For
those of you who are single I will look at how busyness will prevent you
meeting and starting a relationship, and for those of us in a relationship I
will look at how busyness can rob us of connection and feelings of love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
I cover the subject of busyness in dating in the Lovecoach
section of my website but let’s look at the deeper issues here. I know that when I was single, I could find
all sorts of reasons why I was too busy to have a relationship. On the surface
this seemed to be about placing my work and leisure interests ahead of having a
romantic relationship, but deeper down (and with retrospect) I can see that
there was something much more fundamental going on – I was avoiding the
intimacy of a relationship because I unconsciously knew that it would force me
to come face to face with my fears. By staying single, and distracting myself
with busyness, I did not have to show up and take emotional risks. At the core
of this was a fear of getting hurt – of being judged and rejected for who I
was. I know this now, but at the time I was blind to this painful truth. If you
are a busy single person, and you are struggling to find a partner or start a
relationship, be honest and ask yourself if you have any of these same
fears. In the final paragraphs I will
show you how to deal with them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
Busyness is also very common within relationships, as one or
both partners rush around hectically with little or no time for connecting with
their partner. Again, on the surface, it will appear that the rushing around is
an inevitable consequence of a modern lifestyle. Work, homecare, children,
family, community projects and leisure pursuits can leave us exhausted and with
little quality time for our partners and spouses. We may become irritable and
stressed, and this can cause great damage to our sex lives. But the deeper
reason for this busyness is exactly the same as for the example of the single
person above – we are afraid of true intimacy. The busyness allows us not to
deal with the fears and insecurities that keep us at an emotional distance from
our partners. In fact it creates the distance and then stops us from reducing
it again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
So let’s deal with both cases. If you are often very busy
and are single, or feel disconnected from your partner, ask yourself what it is
that frightens you most about being in a romantic relationship. What is the
worst thing that could happen and what feelings would this bring up? It is
these feelings that you will protect by avoiding intimacy. Let’s say you could
not stand the heartbreak and sadness of being let down or rejected. You will
not venture yourself in any place where this could become a reality – so you
will stay at a safe distance, as a single person or within your relationship.
Now comes the fascinating and critical bit. Although you may be afraid of your
insecurities, what has brought this about is the fact that you have a very big
and emotionally sensitive heart. What you are really afraid of is opening your
heart too much in case you venture yourself in love fully, and then get hurt if
things go wrong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
This paradox lies (literally) at the heart of all
relationship problems. To differing extents we are all afraid of our potential
for love and open-heartedness. Getting busy is a way of distracting us from our
true state of love and relationship. Being busy makes sure we do not find
romantic happiness! Yes it’s a crazy way to react, but that is what we do in
our relationships. Your loving heart is the greatest gift that you have, but
you may have become convinced that it can hurt you. The way forward is
therefore to take the risk of opening your heart and feeling into all your
emotions. Make your partner, or finding a partner a priority in your life, and
find the time to be completely present and connected. If you can do this you
will find that the busyness falls away and a true partner will come into your
life if you are single. If you are in a relationship, with an open and
undefended heart you will make the choice for love and connection rather than
busyness, and you will become much more happy and fulfilled.</div>Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-78927799620800523242012-04-10T07:44:00.000-07:002012-04-11T01:33:55.264-07:00The Keys to a Happy and Successful Relationship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6y3xOPfW0CY/T4Q-c-Br5LI/AAAAAAAAAD0/F_64lT6jI5w/s1600/stages_vision.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6y3xOPfW0CY/T4Q-c-Br5LI/AAAAAAAAAD0/F_64lT6jI5w/s1600/stages_vision.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I hope you have had a chance to look at my relationship coaching and emotional counselling website <a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/">www.iloveyouloveme.com</a> <br />
<br />
In this post I want to take you through the key principles that underlie my website, books and work.<br />
<br />
The first and most important principle is that:<br />
<br />
<h2 style="color: orange; text-align: center;">
1. Your essential state is one of love - it is who you are</h2>
<br />
You will have experienced this state if you have ever fallen in love. Those incredible feelings of joy and love appear when you let go of your insecurities, fears and negative self-beliefs. The presence of somebody who you love and who loves you, reminds you of who you are. This takes us straight to the next principle.<br />
<br />
<h2 style="color: orange; text-align: center;">
2. You will become unhappy and have relationship problems if you ever forget your natural state is love.</h2>
<br />
The negative feelings and problems are your intuitive, subconscious mind's way of telling you that you have gone astray. This turning away from love is also likely to happen for your partner (unless they have done some emotional healing), so they will react negatively to any difficulties and you will end up in rows and arguments, or you will withdraw from each other. Of course, the way to solve the problem is to:<br />
<br />
<h2 style="color: orange; text-align: center;">
3. Remember that love is your essence and to embrace the self-love that comes with this</h2>
<br />
But here comes the<span style="color: orange;"> big problem </span>- As you try to embrace self-love and return to your natural state, the first thing you will hit is a wall of unconscious fear and negative emotions. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cn5kJaWKzBA/T4Qs-FpM4_I/AAAAAAAAADs/TnMFEeMbsVY/s1600/the_wall_of_fear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cn5kJaWKzBA/T4Qs-FpM4_I/AAAAAAAAADs/TnMFEeMbsVY/s320/the_wall_of_fear.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
These painful emotions include fear, inadequacy, a sense of failure, guilt, as well as resentments and judgements. They come directly from the self-beliefs that you would have taken on as a child in your original family and they are stored away subconsciously so you are probably unaware of them.<br />
<br />
The problem is that because you have suppressed these horrible feelings (to take away the pain), you will have inadvertently closed down your heart. You need you heart in order to give and receive love, to compassion and to connect with your partner, and without out it you will become emotionally distant from them. They will probably do the same with you, which just makes things worse. <br />
<br />
In order to experience more love and happiness it is therefore important to remove the barrier of fear that separates you and your partner (if you have one) from love. This idea isn't new as you can see from the quotation below.<br />
<br /><i>"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" </i>Jalad-din-Rumi, 12th century poet and philosopher.<br />
<br />
The way forward is therefore to: <br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: orange;">Open your heart again and be willing to work through any fear or negative emotion that comes up</span></h2>
<br />
My website, blog, and books will help you with this process. Some of the techniques I describe are radical and may challenge you, but I promise you (I know this from personal experience) that you will be incredibly rewarded if you can break through your own wall of fear. You can return to those feelings of falling in love, and they can become even stronger and more meaningful!<br />
<br />
Do subscribe to this blog if you are interested in my approach, as I will write regular articles, discuss topical issues and answer questions that readers might post. Thanks for taking the time to read this.<br />
<br />
Peter<br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange;">PS In my next post I will describe the most important thing you must learn to do if you want to solve a relationship problem</span> <br />
<br />
<br />Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4739065550536736205.post-44827314746345044272012-04-03T04:51:00.001-07:002012-04-10T06:13:49.839-07:00Launch of Newly Updated Website<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Onjb6kiFBu0/T3qytBbZ9-I/AAAAAAAAACc/rAR9tbqrSwM/s320/website_logo_external.jpg" width="320" /></a> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/">http://www.iloveyouloveme.com</a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tnBecqncjxw/T3qyJ71eoWI/AAAAAAAAACM/vRmW-mabcx8/s1600/index_couple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Welcome to my blog. In this first issue I would like to
introduce you to my newly revised website www.iloveyouloveme.com<a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/" target="_blank">http://www.iloveyouloveme.com</a>. I will not
inundate you with blog posts, and will aim to publish one every week or so. I will repsond to reader comments and questions from tim to time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The site is dedicated to helping you find more<b> love, meaning
and happiness</b> in your relationships. Although the site focuses on romantic
relationships, you can apply the principles to any type of relationship.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Onjb6kiFBu0/T3qytBbZ9-I/AAAAAAAAACc/rAR9tbqrSwM/s1600/website_logo_external.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Short video introduction to site </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/rFy4Untv0fI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
The site has lots of free love and relationship ideas and
techniques, as well as a unique online coaching system called <b>Lovecoach</b>.
The system allows you to choose a particular relationship problem or issue, get
some understanding of what has caused it, and then see some solutions, both
short-term and longer-term.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/start_lovecoach.htm" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MlnQT-dkRMw/T3q0OoR_q3I/AAAAAAAAACs/6DibSUATrD4/s320/lovecoach_menu_half_size.jpg" width="297" /></a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my key aims with all my work is to make the
relationship-building and emotional healing principles available to a <b>wide
an audience as possible</b>. Therefore I have placed many social networking
tools on the site. If you find the content useful, please think about your
friends, and feel free to share the pages with them. I have kept the site free
of third-party adverts so I hope you
find it refreshing uncluttered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I also have a Facebook (freelovecoach) and Twitter page
(freelovecoach) and will be using these to advise you of new, and what I hope
will be useful content in my website and blog. I will also point you towards
other useful websites and topical blogs that will support my own site, and help
you with your relationships.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007P31WKC" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Qi8oDr64XU4/T3qzDeWqEnI/AAAAAAAAACk/C22GsAvZwP0/s1600/lovecoach_book_perspective.JPG" /> </a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Click image to go to Amazon Bookstore to read sample </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally, I would like to introduce you to my new e-book called
<b>Lovecoach – How to Create The Relationship Of Your Dreams</b>. This books
summarises all the key principles and relationship-building techniques that are
in the website. It also contains a series of self-coaching exercise which will
allow you to understand and solve any relationship problems that you might be
facing.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1951154041"> </a><a href="http://www.iloveyouloveme.com/relationship_advice/books.htm">Click for more information.</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So have a look at the website – I hope you find it useful.
You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter, or if you prefer subscribe to this
blog.<br />
<br />
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/freelovecoach" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fHNtwRJPP9I/T3rA9ncjEjI/AAAAAAAAAC8/tpIjODedcno/s1600/f_logo_small.jpg" /> click to go to my facebook page</a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://www.twitter.com/freelovecoach" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8ySm2Xz_pqU/T3rDnmeF1pI/AAAAAAAAADc/fTh-UR_-Xuc/s1600/twitter_icon.jpg" /> click to go to my twitter page</a></div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my next blog, and for those new to my articles and
website, I will describe the key principles that underlie my relationship
coaching. After this I will discuss topical issues relating to love and
relationships, specific relation-building tools and techniques, and respond to
readers comments. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have a great Easter if you are celebrating it, or having a
holiday over this period.<br />
<br />
Peter </div>Peter Grangerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05004388599359905999noreply@blogger.com0